Monday, December 27, 2010
*upstairs cleaning up daughters room as she recovers from the flu downstairs*
Dad: *coming down the steps* "Yeah baby, what's up?"
Daughter: "You can't hurt lions because they are imported"
Dad: "They are important"
Daughter: "I know, that's what I said!"
Dad: *sighs and turns to go back to work on room*
Dad: *from the top of stairs* "What!?"
Daughter: "You shouldn't eat them either."
Dad:......"Yeah eating lions is a bad idea."
Daughter: "Because they're imported."
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Daughter: "My favorite word is No!"
Dad: "Oh? IS it?"
Dad: "Why is No your favorite word?"
Daughter: "Well Matt and Mommy say No is my favorite word."
Dad: *chuckles* "Well, they have a good point, but I think there is a difference between your favorite word and your most used word."
Dad: "What is your favorite word to say?"
Daughter:.....*thinking*..... "My favorite word is Love!"
Dad: *smiles* "That's a great word."
*long quiet pause.......*
Daughter: "But I do say No alot."
Dad: "Yeah you do."
Friday, November 12, 2010
*arriving home after the typical Friday night TJ's and grocers stop. As I am unloading bags into the house Chloe goes ahead of me.*
Daughter: "Daddy, I'm going to go put my stuff down inside."
Dad: "Ok, thanks, I'll be right in"
Daughter: *running out of the house* "I saw something!"
Dad: "What did you see?"
Daughter: "It was dark and ran across the house!"
Dad: "You probably saw one fo the mice, it's cold they're coming inside now."
Daughter: "Mice are grey, this was darker and bigger!"
Dad: "baby, mice can look dark from a distance, they're small and run fast, now help me with these bags."
Daughter: "No, she was my size!"
Dad: "What!?...She?!....you're size?!"
*temporary stare off; me at the car, Chloe on the porch*
Daughter:".....uh....maybe it was my imagination or something like that."
Dad: TOTALLY FUCKING CREEPED OUT.... proceeds to bake cookies anyway..
Saturday, October 16, 2010
*slowly waking up and feeling Chloe's little foot with his, realizing she crawled into bed with him (normal routine)*
Dad: "Chloe, good morning are you awake?"
Daughter: "Yes. Can I have some cereal?"
Dad: "Sure, did you wet your bed?"
Dad: (still laying on my side facing away from her) "Did you wet mine?....."
Dad: *smile creeps across face*
Daughter: "Oh, wait....."
Dad: *eyes pop open and smile disappears*
Daughter: *shuffling around in bed* "Ahhh...no, actually I didn't pee on anything."
Dad: *relaxes, starts to drift back off*
Daughter: "So can I have some cereal?"
Dad: *wakes back up*...."ok, ok...I'm going." *gets up heads to the bathroom and is cut off by 4 year old doing the "potty dance"*
Sunday, September 19, 2010
*sitting on the bank of a river*
Chloe: *deafening screams of terror*
Tellulah: "What's wrong Chloe!?"
Dad: "Hey, hey, come here what's the matter?"
Chloe *still shaking and wide eyed* "It scared me!"
Tellulah: "Oh the spider over there, running up the bank."
Dad: "Chloe that's a Daddy Long Leg, it won't bother you."
Tellulah: "Chloe, look how small it is, it's just afraid of you, because you are so much bigger than it is. It won't hurt you."
Chloe: "I'm just afraid of it."
Tellulah: "What if you were that size? If you were that small you'd be afraid of getting stepped on, just like it is afraid of you stepping on it."
Chloe: "No, if I was a spider, I'd just yell".... (switches to tiny high pitched scream) Daddy, daddy, come save me I'm over here!"
Dad: "Ha!, I would totally come save you, but I'm afraid of......"
Chloe: (interrupts me, drops her voice, puts her finger in my face, gets evil look on her face) "YOU BETTER REMEMBER ME WHEN I'M A SPIDER!!!!"
Dad: *Wide-eyed stare at Tellulah*
Tellulah: *belly laughs*
Friday, September 17, 2010
*Chloe and I driving to school listening to The Clash*
Daughter: "I'm playing drums!"
Dad: *joins in on the drumming* "So Am I!"
Daughter: "You need to play a different instrument."
Dad: *switches to bass guitar* "Ok, I'm the bass player and your're the drummer."
*jamming out to The Guns of Brixton for a minute*
Dad: "We're in a band, what should we call it?"
Daughter: "I don't know."
Dad: "Well, we need a name for our band so people will know who we are."
Daughter: "I don't know"
Dad: "Pick a name, any name you want."
(this is where I prepare myself for the inevitable "We're the Princesses!")
Daughter: ........long pause.......... "A Bird!"
Daughter: "No silly, that's the name of our band!"
Dad: "A Bird?"
Daughter "Yeah, A Bird."
Dad: "Awesome band name Chloe!"
Daughter: ........stops drumming puts thumb in mouth......"Yeah, I know, we're awesome."
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Dad: "Will a hot shower make you feel better?"
Daughter: "Yeah"............."But my belly is saying that he wants to lay down for a minute."
Dad: "Would your stomach telling you he wants to lay down for a minute have anything to do with the fact that you're watching cartoons?"
Dad: "Is your stomach a boy or a girl?"
Daughter: "He's a girl, a pretty girl like you."
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
*driving to store*
Daughter: "Ewww!, this stinks....smell it!"
Dad: "What!? Why?! What stinks and why do I need to smell it?"
Dad: "I'm driving, just tell me what it is."
Daughter: "My monkey, my monkey stinks."
....long slightly uneasy pause......
Dad: "What did you say?"
Daughter: "My monkey stinks, here, sniff it; it stinks!"
Dad: *comes to red light, turns to see Daughter holding up a toy monkey*
Dad: leans over and sniffs oddly and amazingly stinky toy monkey....
Saturday, May 29, 2010
*Pointing at title of book*
Dad: "Chloe, what are these letters?"
Dad: "What does that spell?"
Dad: "Yes! That's great!!"
*high-fives exchanged, daughter gets excited*
Dad: "OK, what are these letters?"
Dad: "And what does that spell?"
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
*laying in bed reading to a sad looking Chloe*
Dad: "Hey, you look sad. Is there something you want to talk about?"
Daughter: "I'm sorry I said I don't love you anymore."
Dad: "Oh sweety, it's ok, I know it's frustrating to have to be told it's time for bed. I know you want to stay up and play but you have school in the morning and you are tired. I am very proud of you for having the courage to apologize. We all say things we sometimes don't mean and I understand, and I know you love me and I love you more than anything in the whole world."
Daughter: "Am I the most important thing in the whole world?"
Dad: "Yes, you certainly are."
Daughter: "Am I beautiful?"
Dad: "Yes, the most beautiful!"
Daughter: "Your breath stinks...."
Dad: *blank stare-turns, clears throat, and continues reading*
Thursday, May 13, 2010
*driving back from school*
Daughter: "Ooooh! Look at that!!!!!!!"
Dad: *looks to the left to see a cemetary* "Ah, yeah a cememtary."
Daughter: "That's where you go when you are sad to put up flowers and letters."
Dad: "Uh yes, that's true." "Do you know what a cemetary is?"
Dad: "It's a place that we bury the dead." "When someone dies we place them in the ground and mark where they are buried so we can come and visit them."
Daughter: *incredibly long pause..........* "EEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Daughter: *getting dressed for school* "I've got little boobies."
Dad: "Those are nipples, and yes now they are little."
Daughter: "When I grow up I am going to have big boobies like you."
Dad: *sigh....* ".....thanks, let's get dressed we're going to be late."
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Dad: Are you finished with your fries?
Daughter: Uh, yeah.
Dad: Ok, I am going to eat just these two then.
Daughter: You already ate 2.
Dad: (mouth full of fries) OK, well then I will eat these two too.
Daughter: You can't talk with your mouth full.
Dad: Ok, ok, ok!
Daughter: You're still doing it.
Dad: Leave me alone.
Daughter: Stop Whining.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Daughter: You shouldn't eat berries.
Dad: Well, some berries you shouldn't eat.
Dad: Well some are poisonous and will make you sick.
Daughter: What kind can you eat?
Daughter: I don't like strawberries.
Daughter: I don't like raspberries. I like chicken, but not raspberry chickens.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Daughter: "Can I have some more milk"
Dad: "Sure, go get the milk out of the fridge."
Daughter: *walks into the kitchen, gets milks, and struggles to bring it to me*
Dad: "Thanks." *pours milk*
Daughter" Thank you Daddy, I'll go put it back."
Daughter: *returns to couch to finish watching Totoro* "Am I a finder girl?"
Dad: "What? a Thunder Cat?"
Daughter: "No, a finder girl."
Dad: "What's a finder girl?"
Daughter: "A girl that finds things."
Dad: *staring at ceiling dumbfounded* "Yes, you're a finder girl."
Daughter: "I like cheese."
Dad: "You need to go to bed."
Daughter: "No...you do."