You Got That!?

*sitting on the bank of a river*

Chloe: *deafening screams of terror*

Tellulah: "What's wrong Chloe!?"

Dad: "Hey, hey, come here what's the matter?"

Chloe *still shaking and wide eyed* "It scared me!"

Tellulah: "Oh the spider over there, running up the bank."

Dad: "Chloe that's a Daddy Long Leg, it won't bother you."

Tellulah: "Chloe, look how small it is, it's just afraid of you, because you are so much bigger than it is. It won't hurt you."

Chloe: "I'm just afraid of it."

Tellulah: "What if you were that size? If you were that small you'd be afraid of getting stepped on, just like it is afraid of you stepping on it."

Chloe: "No, if I was a spider, I'd just yell".... (switches to tiny high pitched scream) Daddy, daddy, come save me I'm over here!"

Dad: "Ha!, I would totally come save you, but I'm afraid of......"

Chloe: (interrupts me, drops her voice, puts her finger in my face, gets evil look on her face) "YOU BETTER REMEMBER ME WHEN I'M A SPIDER!!!!"

Dad: *Wide-eyed stare at Tellulah*

Tellulah: *belly laughs*

My daughter is so much cooler than you...and me.

*Chloe and I driving to school listening to The Clash*

Daughter: "I'm playing drums!"

Dad: *joins in on the drumming* "So Am I!"

Daughter: "You need to play a different instrument."

Dad: *switches to bass guitar* "Ok, I'm the bass player and your're the drummer."

*jamming out to The Guns of Brixton for a minute*

Dad: "We're in a band, what should we call it?"

Daughter: "I don't know."

Dad: "Well, we need a name for our band so people will know who we are."

Daughter: "I don't know"

Dad: "Pick a name, any name you want."

(this is where I prepare myself for the inevitable "We're the Princesses!")

Daughter: ........long pause.......... "A Bird!"

Dad: "Where!?"

Daughter: "No silly, that's the name of our band!"

Dad: "A Bird?"

Daughter "Yeah, A Bird."

Dad: "Awesome band name Chloe!"

Daughter: ........stops drumming puts thumb in mouth......"Yeah, I know, we're awesome."

Transgender Digestive Systems, Apparently.

Dad: "Will a hot shower make you feel better?"

Daughter: "Yeah"............."But my belly is saying that he wants to lay down for a minute."

Dad: "Would your stomach telling you he wants to lay down for a minute have anything to do with the fact that you're watching cartoons?"

Daughter: "Yeah"

Dad: "Is your stomach a boy or a girl?"

Daughter: "He's a girl, a pretty girl like you."

Dad: "......ok.....thanks."

What One Will Do For Love.

*driving to store*

Daughter: "Ewww!, this stinks....smell it!"

Dad: "What!? Why?! What stinks and why do I need to smell it?"

Daughter: "This!"

Dad: "I'm driving, just tell me what it is."

Daughter: "My monkey, my monkey stinks."

....long slightly uneasy pause......

Dad: "What did you say?"

Daughter: "My monkey stinks, here, sniff it; it stinks!"

Dad: *comes to red light, turns to see Daughter holding up a toy monkey*

Daughter: "Well?!"

Dad: leans over and sniffs oddly and amazingly stinky toy monkey....

I know my A,B,3's!

*Pointing at title of book*

Dad: "Chloe, what are these letters?"

Daughter: "G-O"

Dad: "What does that spell?"

Daughter: "Go!"

Dad: "Yes! That's great!!"

*high-fives exchanged, daughter gets excited*

Dad: "OK, what are these letters?"

Daughter: "W-E"

Dad: "And what does that spell?"

Daughter: "Exercise!"

Dad:.............?

Honesty...the "Fresh-Maker"

*laying in bed reading to a sad looking Chloe*

Dad: "Hey, you look sad. Is there something you want to talk about?"

Daughter: "I'm sorry I said I don't love you anymore."

Dad: "Oh sweety, it's ok, I know it's frustrating to have to be told it's time for bed. I know you want to stay up and play but you have school in the morning and you are tired. I am very proud of you for having the courage to apologize. We all say things we sometimes don't mean and I understand, and I know you love me and I love you more than anything in the whole world."

Daughter: "Am I the most important thing in the whole world?"

Dad: "Yes, you certainly are."

Daughter: "Am I beautiful?"

Dad: "Yes, the most beautiful!"

Daughter: "Your breath stinks...."

Dad: *blank stare-turns, clears throat, and continues reading*

The Dead are Gross

*driving back from school*

Daughter: "Ooooh! Look at that!!!!!!!"

Dad: *looks to the left to see a cemetary* "Ah, yeah a cememtary."

Daughter: "That's where you go when you are sad to put up flowers and letters."

Dad: "Uh yes, that's true." "Do you know what a cemetary is?"

Daughter: "No."

Dad: "It's a place that we bury the dead." "When someone dies we place them in the ground and mark where they are buried so we can come and visit them."

Daughter: *incredibly long pause..........* "EEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!"